Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
