Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
