remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
