You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
