Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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