Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Congratulations! We have a period
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