i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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