I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
