is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
