dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
