My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
third nipple confirmed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
