my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
