I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
