She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
