WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
should my penis look like a turkey
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
