So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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