I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
