i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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