I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
