It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
