Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
