I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
