JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
