Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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