I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
