i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize