When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
