I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
