And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
