I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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