I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
