Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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