Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
