We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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