Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
