i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
