Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
