You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
