don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
