I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
