I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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