So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
