i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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