I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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