I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize