Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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