I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
