he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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