he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
