I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
