Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
