Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
