shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
