yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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