Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
