i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
