When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize