I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The uberlube is also flammable
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
