i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize