Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
