I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
