I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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