I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
