I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
