Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize