i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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