There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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