at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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