I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
