Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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