Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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