in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
