It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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