So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
