Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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