I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
