At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
