You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
