I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
