If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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