What did we do last night that was yellow?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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