I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
