if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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