Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
