The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
