Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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