Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
