Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
