Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize