Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
