had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
