Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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