I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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