I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
