We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize