Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
