we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
