i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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