life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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