God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
