So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
