it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
