Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
